Always and Forever
by WhatUpSchmidt
Summary: James comes home from work and his world comes crashing down. Jagan, AU. Warnings: character death, mentions of drug use.


_**A/N**__: This story was in my mind for a while now. The reason I actually sat down and wrote it is btfanboy because he wanted Jagan and this is the best I can do for the pairing now. The idea is from one of my favorite Greek singer's music videos and the title is from the Heatwave song._

_**Disclaimer:**__ I don't own anything; not even the idea._

* * *

James walked in his and Logan's apartment after a long day at the office. It's was strangely quiet; Logan usually would be home by now and already set the table for dinner. But the lights were all off and there was no scent of cooking in the air. He walked to the bedroom, calling his boyfriends name, but there was no answer. He assumed maybe Logan was sleeping or taking a shower and opened the bedroom door slowly; the sight in front of him forcing him to drop to his knees.

Logan was lying on the floor, his eyes closed; his sleeve rolled up in one hand and a syringe in the other. He was struggling with his addiction for a while now, but for the last couple months he seemed to be better. James was there for him for every step of the way, loving him and encouraging him to keep going.

"No, Logan, what did you do? Wake up baby, please." James was now shaking Logan's body, trying to get a reaction, an indication that he was still alive.

He pulled out his phone and called an ambulance, never getting up from the floor, never letting Logan go from his arms. He heard the sirens and suddenly he was being pulled away from the body, resisting but they were stronger. James watched as the paramedics tried to revive his boyfriend but with no result. He felt someone grabbing his face, he heard voices, noise but it was like everything was muffled now, the only thing clear was Logan's body now being covered by a white sheet. His eyes went dark, shutting the world out, hoping that this was just a bad dream; that he would wake up any moment now to see his boyfriends sleepy brown eyes looking at him and his beautiful smile before he received his good morning kiss.

* * *

James opened his eyes and looked around. There were bright lights and white walls with blue curtains hanging all around. His best friend was sitting in a chair next to him with his head in his hands.

"Ken? What happened? Why am I here? Where's Logan?"James asked him, his heart pounding a little faster now, memories of the last couple hours now sinking in.

"You don't remember?" Kendall asked with wide eyes.

James fell silent, his eyes now full of tears now threatening to break out. "Logan; where is he?"

"James, please calm down."

"NO! TELL ME WHERE'S MY BOYFRIEND KENDALL!" James had a tight grip on Kendall's shirt and he was sobbing, his whole body shaking. The blond hugged his friend tight, trying to soothe him, his own tears now running down his pale cheeks.

"It wasn't a nightmare, was it?" James asked him with raspy voice, his head still on Kendall's chest.

"No, buddy. I'm sorry."

Kendall held his friend close and they both cried until a doctor came in to check on James. After a brief physical check he talked to James about Logan's death, what happened to his body when he overdose and what cause the eventual death. James was quiet as the doctor spoke, trying to hold back his tears and occasionally nodded in understanding.

"If I had gotten home earlier, could I have saved him? You said it takes hours, maybe…" James started but the doctor cut him off.

"Mr. Diamond I need you to understand that this wasn't your fault. I know I'm not qualified to give you advice but I know that unfortunately there was nothing you could do. I, however, would strongly advise you to see a counselor; I could recommend a couple to you if you want. You have experienced a sudden and major loss and you need the help." The doctor said handing him a couple of business cards.

James turned to Kendall who nodded and he took the cards.

"Can I go now?" the brunet asked; his head hanging low, the exhaustion from the last hours kicking in.

"Of course. But take it easy, maybe take a few days off from work. And please go see one of the psychologists. I am sure they will help you more than you imagine."

"I will, thank you doctor."

James signed his discharge papers and headed with Kendall to the parking lot.

"James, do you want me to stay with you tonight? Or come to my place? I really don't want you to be alone tonight." Kendall said putting a hand over the brunet's shoulder.

James turned to look at his friend, his eyes bloodshot from crying but filled with worry and sadness. He took a deep breath considering the offer, realizing that he really didn't want to go back home tonight because he would wait for Logan to come and lay in bed with him or cuddle while watching a movie; he couldn't be alone and he needed his friend because Logan would never come back to keep him warm and Kendall always made James feel safe when Logan wasn't around.

* * *

The next few days passed as a blur for James. People were always stopping by to check on him, he could never remember who was it or for how long they stayed; the funeral was torture. He tried not to break down, constantly holding Logan's mom hand, trying to be strong for both of them. Only after he got home he cried until he eyes went dry and he slept right at the spot he found Logan's body.

A week later James was sitting on his couch, wearing one of Logan's shirts, with a bottle of whiskey by his side when he glanced at Logan's laptop, still on the coffee table. He picked it up and logged in. The background was a picture from their vacation with Kendall and his girlfriend in Hawaii last summer and he faintly smiled at the memory. It was a late afternoon and they were sitting on some rocks next to the lake they went swimming that day and Kendall was trying to take a picture of them but Logan was a bit grumpy and he wouldn't smile so James decided to kiss his cheek and tickle him a little. Logan smiled and closed his eyes and Kendall captured the moment perfectly.

He navigated through his files; there were countless pictures and videos of them; from high school until now. Their graduation, college, first day at work, Logan's rehab days; everything. He watched video after video, feeling like a knife was placed right on his heart and it twisted every time Logan's face came on the screen. His vision became blurry from crying and he felt his anger slowly building up. He set the machine on the table and walked to the window, trying to calm himself down, but all James could think of was that his love was gone and it wasn't fair. He was so young and they had so many dreams together but now he was lying five feet under the ground and everything was blown by the wind. He missed him so much, he could barely sleep without Logan next to him; their apartment was silent and empty now.

James turned and smashed the glass he was holding on the wall and he fell on the ground holding his head. All he seemed to do was cry lately and now wasn't much of a difference. His sobs filled the room and he hugged his knees rocking back and forth in his spot.

The next day, James woke up from a nightmare on his living room floor, sweaty and in pain. It was still dark outside and he went straight to the shower, letting the hot water run through his aching body and mixing with his tears that never seemed to leave his eyes. He wore one of Logan's sweatpants and hoodie and sat on their bed. He reached for the picture that was on Logan's nightstand, looking at his smiling boyfriend and asking him why would he leave him like this. He remembered the first time they said "I love you" to each other. It was at their senior year in high school and they had just come out after a year of secret dating. Some homophobic pricks from their school cornered Logan and beat him up, for James to find him a while later crying in the corner they left him. He was bruised and bloody all over and he was shaking uncontrollably and James swore that he would never let anything happen to him, that he would protect and love him as long as he lived. "Always and forever" he whispered as the smaller boy cried in his arms that December afternoon.

James saw his tears dripping on the frame, distorting the two happy faces. He clutched the picture on his chest and walked back to the living room picking one of the broken glass pieces from the ground and walking back to sit once again on the spot Logan died. "Always and forever" he whispered as the sharp glass was cutting vertically through his arm, his blood now everywhere. He felt sleepy, he couldn't keep his eyes open, so he surrendered to the darkness that was building up around him.

* * *

James woke up from a bright light. He was on a rooftop and he was wearing all white lineal shirt and pants and no shoes. His arm wasn't bleeding anymore and he felt like a heavy burden was lifted from his shoulders. He sat up and felt a hand on his shoulder.

"Hi baby. I missed you." James heard Logan's voice coming from behind him and he was now enveloped in a warm embrace.

"Logan? Where are we? What happened? You died and I…"

"I know, love. Now we are both dead. You shouldn't have done that Jamie. You were young with so much to look forward to. And I was always there, watching you. You were never alone baby." Logan said, his voice soft as he cupped James' cheek and planted a soft kiss on his lips.

"I missed you so much Logan, I couldn't take it anymore. I failed you, I couldn't protect you and I promised, remember? I promised and I didn't follow through. I'm so sorry baby."

"Shh, it's ok Jamie. I am fine now and now that you're here I am happy and complete." Logan said, getting up and extending his arm for James who followed him while they walked to the edge of the rooftop.

Logan took his boyfriends hand and told him to close his eyes. When James opened his eyes, they were in a field with a small house in the middle, under a big tree. Logan smiled at him and with clasped hands they walked towards their new life together. James wasn't sure what this was and he decided not to question it; he was with Logan and that was all that mattered.


End file.
